There's only so much you can do when you're in the isolation chamber.

It's the time when you've shut off almost every other voice except the one that's most important....and I've realized, it has its purpose.

It's not a time where you've decided to push everyone away intentionally, it just happens because you've got nothing that's of substantial worth to give or completely genuine or absolutely sincere. It is perhaps a time needed to draw away and sit by the river to drink of its water. Once again, tasting and recalling how revitalizing its supposed to be and how refreshing it truly is.

So you're there, where no one else is, where there's nothing anyone can say that makes it any better or lighter or clearer. You're just there so the water can begin its cleansing, its washing away, and its refreshing once again.

And God has been so faithful...

Ever since my last post, many things have happened and I am careful to keep this to myself for now. I'm thankful that God has slowly been restoring and making anew....and I am rebuilding slowly but surely, taking my time and being cautious so as to not run too fast or get ahead of myself.

I know....

I don't have to do everything, I just need to do what God tells me to and what He intends for me to attend to.

I don't have to be the first to know everything as long as I do what I'm entrusted with, with excellence.

I don't have to know and plan everything, I just need to trust God. There are stone markers in place, I just have to keep a lookout for them and unravel the next season when it is time.

I can't be a superwoman, if I miss out on something, there's someone else who can help fill in the gap. That's why we're a family.

God knows the desires of my heart, He created everything that I hold dear. He planned for all those things in my life to be in my life. And I can prioritize them without feeling guilty or ineffective.

God himself will restore me and make me strong, firm and steadfast - 1 Peter 5:10.

God's grace is sufficient for me...every season, I grasp a deeper and clearer meaning of this.

So for those of you who have been praying over me, understanding without commenting too much, caring without being overbearing or just being a friend to hang out with, thank you because I needed no solutions, just God's love extended through you.

Lord, thank You for hearing, thank You for grace...and thank You for the isolation chamber. For peeling and scraping away the barnacles, restoring and providing the new wine skin. I will continue to cling to you and trust for a new and better tomorrow, always. Love lots, Amen.

In some small measure, I'm glad that not a lot of people still stay tune to this little virtual space of mine. No need for answers...

If I'm honest with myself, no place is exactly where I am right now. Neither all in or skimming the surface. I've managed to withdraw so much of myself that its difficult to get back into the hang on things - the staying in touch, the investing, the being there, or just being available.

Right now, it's the touch and go, the remember and encourage, the give when I make it convenient. It happens when I've come full circle in the whole guilt & balance game. If I can't be there entirely, if I'm torn between two places at once...I might as well just let go of the whole.

....and to top it all off, I feel that I've changed. And not necessarily for the better. I'm a little more jaded and cynical, more easily judgemental and quick to write things off. Where I used to be more easy-going, now I'm more selective. Dependent...

And I know, I just know....this is just the beginning of the tearing down and pruning.

So if I'm not exactly friendly or very open, please just bear with me. I'm trying to get back into the system. Find that balance to the crazy type that she talks about...and maybe, I'll find that certain joy once again.

The leisure of having time on your hands....I love that it's a holiday!

It's so frustrating.

Okay, now that that's out of the way. You'll understand why.

I've been couped up at home, sleeping the days away. I don't mind the sleep really, I haven't gotten this much good of a rest in a long time but it's never good when you're sleeping because you're sick.

Monday was the worst, I felt so chilly with the fever but swallowed some actifast and tried to ride it out at work til about 5.30pm because work just had to be done. Now, I understand their frustrations about resources. While we're all okay with the others taking a break (they rightfully should be able to when they want to), it leaves not much room for the others to hold the fort.

In any case, point to note and to take care of when I get back.

Monday night was the worst, the drive home was painful, I ached everywhere. Not any of the medicine worked, the fever persisted, the vomitting started, everything just went wrong.

Hello h1n1 scare.

It would've been the to the hospital the next day but thank God, the fever broke and I was left to sleep out the remnants over the next few days.

Mom and dad were the best nurses anyone could ever have *hugs* love you lots!

One more day and I should be as good as new - back to doing what I need to, helping where I can.

On the other hand, I still sound like a smurf :(

Here's something to jiggle your memory....

It's that time of the year again where I'm just waiting to close my work laptop, shove it to the back of the cupboard and leave it there to gather dust for a few days.

Just two more days and I'm off for my long planned for trip away to the east coast....when I remember the beach and the small town charm, I remember refuge and peace.

And of course, a feast for the tummy....

So looking forward to it.

On another note, our trip to Bukit Tinggi last week was fun!

I'm glad we took the time to head somewhere out of town to get high on oxygen :)
More photos later on FB.

*out*

It's been just been a week of barraging through a pile of work.

Been waking up earlier these days and I'm glad for it, it means that I get to spend more time with God, just poring over words that inspire me.

But it also means longer days, sandwiched with endless words and words and words.

*yawn*

out...